[In a relationship, married or not...]

Here I've found something really touching. It's long to read, I know, but it's worth it!

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce. -- At least, in the eyes of our son -- I'm a loving husband...

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

 P.S.: If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

 If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

...no, you are wrong!

[this is a continuation from the previous post: link]

CONTINUATION:

Marriages, friendships, and business relationships are destroyed due to men and women not understanding the differences that make us unique. In our pride we usually think that we are shining example of what is right and we expect everyone to act as we do and like what we like, but this is fantasy, not fact.

One man said, "I know I'm not ever going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your leg, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider." HAHAHAHA! Great!!:-)

Let's look at some other ways men and women are different from each other:

Women offer unsolicited advice and give direction, but men usually don't take advice very well. The woman thinks she is just trying to help, but the man thinks she doesn't trust him to make the right decision.

When a woman disagrees with a man he takes it as disapproval and it ignites his defenses. Men only want advice after they have done everything then can do. Advice given too soon or too often causes him to lose his sense of power. He may become lazy or insecure.

Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed. Women are motivated when they feel cherished.

Men are visual creatures; once an image is in their head, it's hard to get it out. Women are more inclined to remember emotions or how something made them feel.

Men tend to go into their cave and want to think about what is bothering them, but women want to talk about what's bothering them. When a man and woman have had a problem and the man is ready to reconnect, the woman waits for him to initiate a conversation about what upset him. However, he doesn't need to talk about his upset feelings because he is no longer upset. He wants to forget it and move on, she wants to talk about it and make a list of ways they can avoid having it happen again.

In one survey, more than 80% of men, four out of five, said that in a conflict they were likely to feel disrespected. Women, on the other hand, would feel unloved.

Because a woman's vocal cords are shorter than a man's, she can actually speak with less effort than he can. Shorter vocal cords not only cause a woman's voice to be more high pitched, but also require less air to become agitated, making it possible for her to talk more with less energy expended.

Communication experts say that the average woman speaks more than 25,000 words a day while the average man speaks only a little over 10,000. One business executive said, "The problem is, that by the time I get home from work I have already spoken my 10,000 and my wife hasn't even gotten started."

Men are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men are just as complicated and intricate as they are. The whole point is that guys don't think deeply all the time like women do. See?! That's why women are not simple, because they tend to think deeply! But men are just what they appear to be.

Women want to be loved, respected, valued, complimented, listened to, trusted and sometimes, just to be held. Men want tickets for the World Series! HAHAHAHA! That's crazy and funny!

Women want affection, men want sex.

Most women cry an average of five times per month. Women are simply more emotional than men. Men are very logical.

Understanding does make all the difference in the world. Read a couple of good books on the differences between men and women and also one on the differences in personalities. It will give you insight and understanding that can prevent thousands of arguments and misunderstanding.

IMPORTANT!

The information that was used in these two posts was taken from books that belong to Joyce Meyer, Emerson Eggerichs, Jane Everhart and Shaunti Feldhahn.

Hope you took some notes in your mind and

found some information useful!:-)

Selenity ✿ܓ

...becoming one!

The minute two people marry, they are legally joined together. Experientially, though, they do not immediately "become one" when they say, "I do"; they simply begin the process of becoming one. As the process works itself out, each partner should hold marriage in honor and esteem the relationship as worthy and precious. They should treat each other as being very valuable.

There is a three-step progression that demonstrates how to become one: (1) Leave. Sometimes a wife clings excessively to her mother and her mother's opinions about she ought to do, or a husband runs to his father for advice, when the couple should be trusting and leaning on each other. If two people are married but have not left home (both physically and mentally), they need to do so. (2) Cleave. In practical terms, the word cleave means to stick to each other like glue. (3) Become one. Becoming one means the complete union of body, soul, and spirit - and again, this takes time.

The most difficult part of the "becoming one" process is usually the uniting of two souls - the joining of two minds, wills, and sets of emotions. Most of marital problems in the area of the soul result from strife over lack of communication, sexual misunderstanding, money, goals, and the disciplining of children. If each marriage partner is willing to be brought into agreement with the other, they no longer try to force each other to be someone they are not, but realize they need each other to be exactly who God created them to be. They no longer pick on each other's weaknesses. Instead, they partake of their strengths, they enjoy one another, and they enjoy the process of becoming one.

The Differences between Men and Women - and

Weakness Has Nothing to Do with It

God made men and women to be different in many different ways, but muscle mass is just one of those differences. Though men are usually physically stronger than women, this fact certainly does not make women "the weaker sex". It should not apply to our intelligence or our emotions and we should not allow it to! The differences aren't better or worse, they're just different; once we accept those differences, we can understand and appreciate what each of our genders offers.

Let's start with physical differences. Women's hearts beat faster. Men's brains are larger but women's brains contain more neurons. HAHAHA! Love this:-) Depending in whether you're studying the brain of man or a woman, different areas of the brain will light up in response to identical tasks. Even the rate at which we visibly age is seen differently in men and women.

In his best-selling book, Love and Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs points out that the obvious differences found in men and women can be seen in something simple as looking into a closet. Eggerichs writes about a couple getting dressed in the day:

She says, "I have nothing to wear." (She means, she has nothing new.)

He says, "I have nothing to wear." (He means, he has nothing clean.)

HAHAHAHAHA! This one made me laugh!

Cool difference and interesting one!:-)

TO BE CONTINUED... link

P.S.: Have to gather the other stuff and to make the conclusions:-), so making it shorter...

Hope you've liked the post on the never ending topic!:-)

Selenity ✿ܓ